A comparison of our library with TV commercials

     Do you have a few television commercials that just drive you nuts?  That's what I asked our staff members in the processing room this morning.  Everyone had at least one commercial that makes them hit the mute button or change the channel.  Our "favorites" are listed here:
     * the coupon saving one where the cashier loudly says, "You could have saved $25" and the buyer groans, "Ohhhh," as she keels over; only to have the cashier say again, "No, $30!" with another groan from the buyer as she faints away...
     * the car dealer commercial that shows the very tall man and the very short woman, who talk about the "short and tall" of their salesmanship...
     * the one where it seems like hundreds of people are screaming, "I want my money now!"...
     * the silly commercials with the phone company's blond spike-haired guy and his weird competitors...
     * the caveman, who feels he's being discriminated against because he "looks" different...
     * the woman who screams loudly while a man uses his shoe to beat a cell phone to death as it shows a huge hairy spider...
     * the commercial where fifty-thousand people are hollaring "Match it!"... and
     * the "Wee, wee, wee!" pig, Maxwell.
     Have you seen any of these commercials?  If you haven't, I'd be surprised.  We've all noticed how the television shows we watch have 5-minute segments and 10-minute commercials.
     So, I'm here to tell you that you'll have none of this kind of harrassment here at our library.
     We don't give away coupons, but we do have loads of savings.  You can check out a $25 book and not have to pay anything (unless you keep it too long and then you have a fine to pay - sorry).  You don't even have to pay the nominal fee for a DVD, like you have to pay at video warehouses.  And you can use one of our 20 Dell computers for free.  Even our library cards are free for the asking!
     The only short and tall we have in our library are the bookshelves.  You'll find some short shelves in the children's library where little fingers can pick their own books to read, and there are some low shelves for the young adult readers, too.  Of course, the tall shelves can be reached with convenient step-stools and we always have staff members to help you reach something on a top shelf.
     We certainly don't bug you about "wanting our money now."  However, if you do want to check out something to take home, then you must bring your account up to date by paying any outstanding fines.
     There are different hair styles here at the library, but we don't have a blond spike-haired guy on the premises.  (Guess I can't say much about us occasionally getting silly, however.)
     We don't get too involved with people looking "different," unless they are sitting at the computers with their backs facing us and their  pants are down too low.  We have occasionally draped a sweater across the back of a chair to help hide a person's somewhat offensive skin that's showing.
     And huge hairy spiders...haven't seen a one.  We have a really great janitor here who is cleaning all day long, so he keeps our library pretty clean.
     Now, as to "match it," we can do it.  If you see a book on television or in a store that you'd like to read, just come to the library and see if we can get it for you.  We'll be glad to try to match any book, audio or physical, and even movies that you'd like to check out.  Don't forget, we have an interlibrary loan system that pulls items from all across the PINES library system.
     OK, there's Maxwell, the pig!   We cannot duplicate his little yell of "Wee, wee, wee," unless it's found in a book in the Children's Library.  BUT...think of this...what fun to take your children to the library and hunt for the little pig books.  Our Children's Library is colorful, entertaining, and a great place to spend some time during the hot summer months.
     And the best part of our library...no crazy commercials interrupting your library time!!!  Come join us.  We're here just for you!